Really? Resorting to the Welfare Office?

While I was away on an adventure, I receive a worried call from my husband.  Scarlett the great has served him yet again.  That is not the disturbing part even though they have been apart for about 10 years.  What IS disturbing is that this was not done through her lawyer but through County Child Services, Child Support Division.  Excuse me?  As is standard in our state, her $3,000/month of Child Support as awarded via court order according to the formula used in our state is garnished from my husbands wages each paycheck by the very agency with which she recently filed.  We are not behind, we do not have nor owe arrears.  The division she filed with does not deal in custody or modification but with making sure the monies are paid.  So what the hell is going on here?

One set of documents we received let us know she filed a complaint for review.  The next set has a quarter inch thick of paperwork for my husband to fill out stating that for the past 12 months he was supposed to pay X amount and he actually paid X amount.  Same for visitation.  Seriously, visitation?  We have 50/50.  Even when it isn't "our time" we go to back to school nights, meetings, sporting events and whatever else there is which is not true for Scarlett holier than thou.  Somehow my husband has to prove he spends time with his kids.  His lawyer is hardly any help in this arena.  If he can't win for sure he doesn't fight.  Good strategy.  The third set of documents included a threat to report the "debt" of child support to the credit agencies.  If he isn't behind, where is this debt to be reported?  Nice system.

Then there is Scarlett the great herself - dodging calls, texts and emails because she won't just state her purpose.  Why the fight?  Do you want him that bad?  Do you want us to fight?  What is it you are really after?  You went to the WELFARE division of the state.  There are TWO new cars in your driveway, a third SUV, Jetskis (plural) not to mention the numerous vacations you take.  You make almost twice what a teacher makes and your husband makes at least three times what you do plus your free $3k in child support.  So, tell me why you went the welfare route??  Would your lawyer not take it?  Pathetic really.  It's sad and really sad for the children who learn from her.

So I am left holding the proverbial bag.  Dealing with kids who are entitled, spoiled and treat their father like shit because they listen to their mother spew her Parental Alienation all over, and in front of people I am friends with, letting the kids know they can use him as a back and taxi.  There are days like today when it just isn't right and I won't do it.  I will interact as little as possible because although I am one of the "smartest people" he's ever met, my opinion when it comes to this doesn't mean shit.  He thinks his lawyer knows all and that I can't possibly be right because I don't wear rose colored fucking glasses.

Wake up.  It needs to get nasty for it to stop.  You need to actually LAY the law down with her and your children instead of talking about it.  It's old.  I'm getting too tired.  There really is a point when it is all too much.

Thank God the Holidays are Over

The photos I have of the tree Pre-Arrival of the kids are disgusting.  For an economic downturn overall you would have never guessed it by looking at our living room which was truly covered in gifts.  This included a life size cut out of Justin Bieber for the younger step-daughter.  Had it not been for the two, yes two pairs of Miss Me jeans it would have been her favorite gift.  Oh, and the Bieber perfume.
Now the older step-daughter also got more than a plethora of gifts, and not inexpensive ones.  I barely heard thank you.  It was more about "what next?" which makes me sad that their Father's efforts are so under-appreciated if not unappreciated.  We (husband and I) decided to take a break for a snack seeing as how the kids didn't arrive until noon and it was now 1:30, we were met with actual whining.  Really?  They are 12 and 15.  Whining.  Like a 5 year old.  Then complaining about caviar (more understandable but to be so rude was not necessary) which they didn't have to eat.  There was plenty for them as always.

A second break was needed later, again met with true whining expertise, to put the turkey in the oven for dinner.  It wasn't like we didn't have anything to talk about, we hadn't seen them in over a week!  They just wanted more gifts and more and more.  There was a distinct lull and disappointment when all was opened until we revealed there was one big gift left for each - but they had to find it via scavenger hunt.  This perked them up because a production usually means something good is coming at the end.  Total room makeover, and total excitement for about 10 minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the didn't like or even love the gifts, everything was certainly just not so much appreciated.

Over the next few days we had family in town which constituted eating out more than I ever like to but what can you really do about that?  Not much in this case.  First night with my family?  The elder is "sick", bails on dinner, claims to have thrown up although is fine for breakfast and dinner the following days.  Weird, when the younger was sick at her mother's house, she threw up because of the Dayquil, not the illness (per her).  I know there is always a power struggle with the older but seriously - have some damn respect.  Everyone bought into it but at the time I was more content to just be with my family.  However, there was always something wrong with everywhere we went.

Final straw for the vacation was when I wanted to go do something fun on their last day and was promptly told by the older that no, she wanted to do homework (that she had two weeks to complete plus two additional days at her mother's house coming up) that day instead.  I was floored and pissed.  Really?  You are sitting there watching TV right now, bitching about having to do something fun tomorrow because you want to do homework you could do now?  Irate is more the word for it.  After making my feelings clear to the husband, she was made to go upstairs and do her homework then.

As for the "fun" trip?  She bitched about going on the city transportation instead of driving (oh the horror!!!).  Clearly irritated to be "doing something" her earphones were in the entire way there and back essentially ignoring everyone.  Fun family day.  Husband didn't seem to notice too much.  I did, and it really makes me not want to do this sort of fun stuff together.  I would rather go to the theater alone than listen to the complaining and have to fight to get there - even to a show aimed at the kids that they had said they wanted to see.  Oh well - it's only 2.5 more years of HS!!  Maybe if she ever gets a job her attitude will be knocked back a notch.  Plus she needs to save for her senior trip to Hawaii she claims she is taking!

Lucky for me the younger isn't fully there yet and at least says thank you for everything and shows kindness and respect most of the time.  I'm thankful for that.

Husband of a Next Wife?

Huge tip coming your way - stop babying and taking care of your ex-wife if you want to have a true relationship with your current wife.  Making sure she does what she should damn well know to do already is still taking care of her.  Try focusing on what is going on in your own house.

Shoot me now - happy chiristmas

It's November and the Holidays are coming and there is nothing I can do to stop them.  This is probably my most stressful time of year.  Plans are already being made for family and travel starting in two weeks and running for the next month and a half.  There are people I want to see, people I have to see, people I'm obligated to visit and people I just plain have to deal with during this "season of cheer".

Purchasing gifts for people who could care less?  Every year.  Spending too much on them?  Absolutely.  But that isn't what bothers me.  It's the fact that even as a kid, I could have throw Xmas out the door and not cared less.  It was only a time of stress, being shuffled around and being reminded that my holiday life wasn't like all the other kids.  Every year for every major holiday (Nov/DEC) I was shipped back and forth about three hours to spend time with my non-custodial parent with whom I did not get along after about age 12, two years after they left.  I didn't want to go, I had to.  Then when I got older I had to go because my younger sibling wanted to go and couldn't go alone.  Even older - I had to DRIVE there.  Yay.

Even now as an adult, the holidays are not much different.  I'm evil if I don't see certain relatives first or at all regardless of spending time with my own family.  Even Christmas day is a tug of war on me between the factions of my family, immediate and extended.  Really?  There is a great reason I shouldn't be in my own house for all of Christmas day? Ugh.  The people around me seem to think so and lay on guilt, go behind my back and complain (of course I hear about it) and even go so far as to tell kids involved I don't have time for them.  While I know I can't control it, it kills me.

Then there is my immediate family with whom I live. My husband loves Christmas like crazy, can't even begin to comprehend that it was never a happy time for me and I could do without it.  He tries to force me to like it/participate fully in the festivities like picking out a tree.  Honestly, I could give a shit.  I don't care about the tree, I don't care about the holiday unless I'm going to church and not the overly hyped Midnight Mass - the real Christmas Mass.  It really just isn't my thing, never will be.  It would just be nice if for one year I wouldn't be forced to do a bunch of crap I hate doing, be left to do my own travel planning of when it works for me to go places and have a generally happy holiday season.

Same *&%# Different Day

I've been struggling with some home front issues lately with the StepKids.  Two issues really.
1. Attitude and crapping all over their Dad and me.  If Scarlett is ok with that in her house, great.  Me?  It makes me want to pull my hair out every single time they do it.  Oh, I need to add - that is OFTEN.  We pick up the elder for her birthday and what does she do?  Treat her Dad like crap.  Alas, it is her birthday so no, nothing was done.  He left work hours early so he could have 3 hours with her on her birthday, no thank you, no glad to see you, just crap attitude and snapping all over him and her sister.  I was pissed, I didn't want to be there or have anything to do with what was going on.  Maybe the answer is to be more busy when this all comes up.

2. Clothing.  Yeah, I know, I'm just the step mom but SERIOUSLY.  Jean booty shorts that are too small, black knee socks and black boots with a top that was tight and didn't even go over the edge of her waistband.  Ok, I'm getting old and I'm clearly more conservative about that stuff than perhaps I once was but HOLY.CRAP.  This is on the back end of homecoming when she was still 14 and allowed to wear 6" heels.  Yep, you read right, SIX INCH PLATFORM HEELS with a sequin dress that came perhaps 3" below her rump and plummeted in the front to where a bra was impossible, and OH, it had sheer CUTOUTS on both sides.  Big ones.

Yes, the mother of year bought it and yes, those are her shoes too.  Purchased without her daughter there but given to her as her homecoming dress.  Yikes, nice judgement.
I admit, when I walked into my friends house to take photos of SD and her friends, I was at first shocked, then mortified.  I felt like I had to tell people I didn't choose that dress or those shoes nor was I there when it was purchased/tried on whatever.  Had never seen it.  No, it wasn't me that let her out of the house like that.  Didn't offer the info, just responded to questions.
THEN I find out that 99% of these kids are in the same CHURCH GROUP.  I could have died.

Normally I'm not concerned with what people think of me but even me, the younger one in the group, was stunned to silence upon entering.  I am, however, with what people think of her when she dresses like that because I really believe she has no understanding of what message that presents and what people will think she is like.  I'm sure if I said anything she would tell me she doesn't care what people think but she does.
She IS a teenager after all.

I guess the bigger issue is this: will her Dad do anything?  Will he sit the ex wife down and say this is completely inappropriate?  Will he talk to his daughter about presentation and the assumptions made about people when they dress a certain way?  Is he willing, to no matter what, demand that he be treated with respect?  Will he demand that I be treated with respect?

I'm all for breaking stereotypes and paving new ground but a 14/15 year old wearing a dress I only expect to see in Las Vegas on a Saturday night is too much when I want good things for her.

Just shoot me now - teenagers are a mess.

Mother of the Year - Again

When you find out your daughter is 5'4" and 154 lbs putting her in the 97th percentile (even if you, as her mother, are large as well) I would hope you would be alarmed and research what you can do for your child.  What I did not expect was for Scarlett to say - oh, I've put on weight too, I'm going on Weight Watchers so it will be fine.
Um - WHAT???  Sorry honey, I don't give a shit if you clog your arteries and die young.  What I do care about is if your child dies 20 years early because you were too selfish to wake the hell up and HELP YOUR DAUGHTER.  Weight Watchers is a management system for adults, not an educational tool for a 12 year old.
Did you not just watch her struggling on the soccer field, bigger than all the other kids out there, not able to move as fast as she did even 6 months ago.  But please, don't send her to soccer practice and keep feeding her shit and ice cream in between games at her tournament so she can put on some more weight and learn worse eating habits.
Like it or not, this kid is an athlete but won't be for long unless she is fed healthy foods and encouraged to move and play sports.  She's a damn good athlete too even with Scarlett fighting it every step of the way.  I see this as blatant neglect if not abuse.  It kills me to see any child treated this way.

Wouldn't it be great if the law was behind the health of the kids?

The Life of a Next Wife: The Breakdown

The Life of a Next Wife: The Breakdown: "First - I only have about 15 minutes so need to just spit this out before my mind explodes, I will do my best to keep typos to a minimum! ..."