Same *&%# Different Day

I've been struggling with some home front issues lately with the StepKids.  Two issues really.
1. Attitude and crapping all over their Dad and me.  If Scarlett is ok with that in her house, great.  Me?  It makes me want to pull my hair out every single time they do it.  Oh, I need to add - that is OFTEN.  We pick up the elder for her birthday and what does she do?  Treat her Dad like crap.  Alas, it is her birthday so no, nothing was done.  He left work hours early so he could have 3 hours with her on her birthday, no thank you, no glad to see you, just crap attitude and snapping all over him and her sister.  I was pissed, I didn't want to be there or have anything to do with what was going on.  Maybe the answer is to be more busy when this all comes up.

2. Clothing.  Yeah, I know, I'm just the step mom but SERIOUSLY.  Jean booty shorts that are too small, black knee socks and black boots with a top that was tight and didn't even go over the edge of her waistband.  Ok, I'm getting old and I'm clearly more conservative about that stuff than perhaps I once was but HOLY.CRAP.  This is on the back end of homecoming when she was still 14 and allowed to wear 6" heels.  Yep, you read right, SIX INCH PLATFORM HEELS with a sequin dress that came perhaps 3" below her rump and plummeted in the front to where a bra was impossible, and OH, it had sheer CUTOUTS on both sides.  Big ones.

Yes, the mother of year bought it and yes, those are her shoes too.  Purchased without her daughter there but given to her as her homecoming dress.  Yikes, nice judgement.
I admit, when I walked into my friends house to take photos of SD and her friends, I was at first shocked, then mortified.  I felt like I had to tell people I didn't choose that dress or those shoes nor was I there when it was purchased/tried on whatever.  Had never seen it.  No, it wasn't me that let her out of the house like that.  Didn't offer the info, just responded to questions.
THEN I find out that 99% of these kids are in the same CHURCH GROUP.  I could have died.

Normally I'm not concerned with what people think of me but even me, the younger one in the group, was stunned to silence upon entering.  I am, however, with what people think of her when she dresses like that because I really believe she has no understanding of what message that presents and what people will think she is like.  I'm sure if I said anything she would tell me she doesn't care what people think but she does.
She IS a teenager after all.

I guess the bigger issue is this: will her Dad do anything?  Will he sit the ex wife down and say this is completely inappropriate?  Will he talk to his daughter about presentation and the assumptions made about people when they dress a certain way?  Is he willing, to no matter what, demand that he be treated with respect?  Will he demand that I be treated with respect?

I'm all for breaking stereotypes and paving new ground but a 14/15 year old wearing a dress I only expect to see in Las Vegas on a Saturday night is too much when I want good things for her.

Just shoot me now - teenagers are a mess.