As usual, the Next Wife takes the brunt of all that is evil in divorce. At least in my husband's case this is the truth. If you follow my story you are familiar with Scarlett and her two children that seem to have taken her point of view more and more as they have gotten older. We (me and husband) gifted the children a room makeover. When one child left her things strewn along the house, including a "journal", it fell on me to try and get it all organized and put things away so we could get the move finished. I did not expect to be stabbed in the back, stabbed in the heart again and then kicked in the face.
A book. One book. I picked up this book and flipped pages to see what it was. What I saw made me sick to my stomach, a paragraph of writing that changed my life. I read that the younger had gone through my entire room - so much for privacy. Not only that but she read MY journal and then went on to misinterpret it (I went and located what she read and I never said what she said I did, even asked the husband if he wanted to read it) then write that she hates my "fucked up ass". Hmm. Sent it to husband. Rightly he was upset, but not for the reason I expected.
He was upset his little girl wasn't as sweet as he thought. His girl was not as honest as he hoped. His girl was not the ultra good person he wanted her to be. It had nothing to do with the fact that she violated my trust AGAIN. Nothing to do with the fact that while I sign her up for all her activities (and I mean ALL of them) and pay for them from the account with MY name on them, get her everywhere on time, go to all of her away games/tournaments (more than either bio parent individually) and do the volunteer work for school and activities and she still shits all over me.
No repercussion for her. No penalty. Nothing. Way to stand up for me, and thank you by the way. I raised your kids for you while you worked. I was the bad guy, I did the discipline, I did the homework, I did the chore enforcement. What a fucking idiot. Me, not you. I was a total idiot, I let both the bio dad and the bio mom rail me into being their patsy. Genius.
So now the husband is still the good guy. Going to let the older go off on a trip she didn't earn even though that was the "deal" they made. I've never seen an enforcement before and I know that since I haven't heard squat about the "deal" it likely is loose and fast so she can go no matter what because he thinks it is a "good experience". The good experience would be to learn how to earn something and that there are consequences to one's actions.
I'm the bad guy for everyone, including his own mother. What a genius play by him.
Now that I don't do it all, he missed having a party for a major birthday for his child because I didn't organize it. He missed an honor roll presentation because I didn't remind him. He didn't do something "meaningful" for a milestone because I didn't do it. Scary for me is, he doesn't know he is missing everything and it makes me sad.
But he wins. I'm the bad guy. He is the nice guy.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Lots is going on in our lives. Sports, high school, middle school, two teenagers, impending license, impending child support county services issues and now an adult tantrum. Are you kidding me? Yes, there are so many things to be thankful for; I have a roof, food, friends, dogs and cats I can care for, I'm healthy but seriously, to throw a tantrum because the Internet didn't work for you in the wake of a conversation you didn't like? Grow up.
Your friend is having trouble with his fiance, soon to be second wife. He comes to me. I'm honest but not brutal. It's HARD. Even if you have a "good" bio mom, it is still hard. When they are bitter, harder. When they are angry, even harder. When they are miserable, watch your back. Every step my now husband and I made in our relationship triggered an issue with little miss Scarlett. When she became aware of me, lawsuit for money and sole physical and legal custody. When we got engaged, lawsuits for money on my birthday (this continued for many years). Our wedding? She threatened to go to court to disallow the children to go because SHE didn't like the timing. I was honest as to what could happen, not what HIS ex would do.
Apparently this struck a cord for my husband or something has been going on that I am not aware of because tonight has been totally out of control. He couldn't order an iPhone for his daughter so being snippy and curt with me seemed to be the answer. I didn't come running like the bitch I'm not so that was a problem too. Whenever I'm not exactly what he wants, its a problem, especially after a few beers. I'm not calling him a violent drunk because physically he isn't. Certainly he likes to raise his voice as it must be a means in another realm of his life where he gets his way. I'm really tired of it. I spent the first half of my life getting yelled at, I certainly don't need it now.
It really is painful to know that he thinks saying what he says the way he says it is okay. It isn't and he damages our relationship more than he knows when he does it. Maybe he should think about that some before he decides I'm an ass because the Internet isn't working the way he wants.
Your friend is having trouble with his fiance, soon to be second wife. He comes to me. I'm honest but not brutal. It's HARD. Even if you have a "good" bio mom, it is still hard. When they are bitter, harder. When they are angry, even harder. When they are miserable, watch your back. Every step my now husband and I made in our relationship triggered an issue with little miss Scarlett. When she became aware of me, lawsuit for money and sole physical and legal custody. When we got engaged, lawsuits for money on my birthday (this continued for many years). Our wedding? She threatened to go to court to disallow the children to go because SHE didn't like the timing. I was honest as to what could happen, not what HIS ex would do.
Apparently this struck a cord for my husband or something has been going on that I am not aware of because tonight has been totally out of control. He couldn't order an iPhone for his daughter so being snippy and curt with me seemed to be the answer. I didn't come running like the bitch I'm not so that was a problem too. Whenever I'm not exactly what he wants, its a problem, especially after a few beers. I'm not calling him a violent drunk because physically he isn't. Certainly he likes to raise his voice as it must be a means in another realm of his life where he gets his way. I'm really tired of it. I spent the first half of my life getting yelled at, I certainly don't need it now.
It really is painful to know that he thinks saying what he says the way he says it is okay. It isn't and he damages our relationship more than he knows when he does it. Maybe he should think about that some before he decides I'm an ass because the Internet isn't working the way he wants.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Really? Resorting to the Welfare Office?
While I was away on an adventure, I receive a worried call from my husband. Scarlett the great has served him yet again. That is not the disturbing part even though they have been apart for about 10 years. What IS disturbing is that this was not done through her lawyer but through County Child Services, Child Support Division. Excuse me? As is standard in our state, her $3,000/month of Child Support as awarded via court order according to the formula used in our state is garnished from my husbands wages each paycheck by the very agency with which she recently filed. We are not behind, we do not have nor owe arrears. The division she filed with does not deal in custody or modification but with making sure the monies are paid. So what the hell is going on here?
One set of documents we received let us know she filed a complaint for review. The next set has a quarter inch thick of paperwork for my husband to fill out stating that for the past 12 months he was supposed to pay X amount and he actually paid X amount. Same for visitation. Seriously, visitation? We have 50/50. Even when it isn't "our time" we go to back to school nights, meetings, sporting events and whatever else there is which is not true for Scarlett holier than thou. Somehow my husband has to prove he spends time with his kids. His lawyer is hardly any help in this arena. If he can't win for sure he doesn't fight. Good strategy. The third set of documents included a threat to report the "debt" of child support to the credit agencies. If he isn't behind, where is this debt to be reported? Nice system.
Then there is Scarlett the great herself - dodging calls, texts and emails because she won't just state her purpose. Why the fight? Do you want him that bad? Do you want us to fight? What is it you are really after? You went to the WELFARE division of the state. There are TWO new cars in your driveway, a third SUV, Jetskis (plural) not to mention the numerous vacations you take. You make almost twice what a teacher makes and your husband makes at least three times what you do plus your free $3k in child support. So, tell me why you went the welfare route?? Would your lawyer not take it? Pathetic really. It's sad and really sad for the children who learn from her.
So I am left holding the proverbial bag. Dealing with kids who are entitled, spoiled and treat their father like shit because they listen to their mother spew her Parental Alienation all over, and in front of people I am friends with, letting the kids know they can use him as a back and taxi. There are days like today when it just isn't right and I won't do it. I will interact as little as possible because although I am one of the "smartest people" he's ever met, my opinion when it comes to this doesn't mean shit. He thinks his lawyer knows all and that I can't possibly be right because I don't wear rose colored fucking glasses.
Wake up. It needs to get nasty for it to stop. You need to actually LAY the law down with her and your children instead of talking about it. It's old. I'm getting too tired. There really is a point when it is all too much.
One set of documents we received let us know she filed a complaint for review. The next set has a quarter inch thick of paperwork for my husband to fill out stating that for the past 12 months he was supposed to pay X amount and he actually paid X amount. Same for visitation. Seriously, visitation? We have 50/50. Even when it isn't "our time" we go to back to school nights, meetings, sporting events and whatever else there is which is not true for Scarlett holier than thou. Somehow my husband has to prove he spends time with his kids. His lawyer is hardly any help in this arena. If he can't win for sure he doesn't fight. Good strategy. The third set of documents included a threat to report the "debt" of child support to the credit agencies. If he isn't behind, where is this debt to be reported? Nice system.
Then there is Scarlett the great herself - dodging calls, texts and emails because she won't just state her purpose. Why the fight? Do you want him that bad? Do you want us to fight? What is it you are really after? You went to the WELFARE division of the state. There are TWO new cars in your driveway, a third SUV, Jetskis (plural) not to mention the numerous vacations you take. You make almost twice what a teacher makes and your husband makes at least three times what you do plus your free $3k in child support. So, tell me why you went the welfare route?? Would your lawyer not take it? Pathetic really. It's sad and really sad for the children who learn from her.
So I am left holding the proverbial bag. Dealing with kids who are entitled, spoiled and treat their father like shit because they listen to their mother spew her Parental Alienation all over, and in front of people I am friends with, letting the kids know they can use him as a back and taxi. There are days like today when it just isn't right and I won't do it. I will interact as little as possible because although I am one of the "smartest people" he's ever met, my opinion when it comes to this doesn't mean shit. He thinks his lawyer knows all and that I can't possibly be right because I don't wear rose colored fucking glasses.
Wake up. It needs to get nasty for it to stop. You need to actually LAY the law down with her and your children instead of talking about it. It's old. I'm getting too tired. There really is a point when it is all too much.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thank God the Holidays are Over
The photos I have of the tree Pre-Arrival of the kids are disgusting. For an economic downturn overall you would have never guessed it by looking at our living room which was truly covered in gifts. This included a life size cut out of Justin Bieber for the younger step-daughter. Had it not been for the two, yes two pairs of Miss Me jeans it would have been her favorite gift. Oh, and the Bieber perfume.
Now the older step-daughter also got more than a plethora of gifts, and not inexpensive ones. I barely heard thank you. It was more about "what next?" which makes me sad that their Father's efforts are so under-appreciated if not unappreciated. We (husband and I) decided to take a break for a snack seeing as how the kids didn't arrive until noon and it was now 1:30, we were met with actual whining. Really? They are 12 and 15. Whining. Like a 5 year old. Then complaining about caviar (more understandable but to be so rude was not necessary) which they didn't have to eat. There was plenty for them as always.
A second break was needed later, again met with true whining expertise, to put the turkey in the oven for dinner. It wasn't like we didn't have anything to talk about, we hadn't seen them in over a week! They just wanted more gifts and more and more. There was a distinct lull and disappointment when all was opened until we revealed there was one big gift left for each - but they had to find it via scavenger hunt. This perked them up because a production usually means something good is coming at the end. Total room makeover, and total excitement for about 10 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the didn't like or even love the gifts, everything was certainly just not so much appreciated.
Over the next few days we had family in town which constituted eating out more than I ever like to but what can you really do about that? Not much in this case. First night with my family? The elder is "sick", bails on dinner, claims to have thrown up although is fine for breakfast and dinner the following days. Weird, when the younger was sick at her mother's house, she threw up because of the Dayquil, not the illness (per her). I know there is always a power struggle with the older but seriously - have some damn respect. Everyone bought into it but at the time I was more content to just be with my family. However, there was always something wrong with everywhere we went.
Final straw for the vacation was when I wanted to go do something fun on their last day and was promptly told by the older that no, she wanted to do homework (that she had two weeks to complete plus two additional days at her mother's house coming up) that day instead. I was floored and pissed. Really? You are sitting there watching TV right now, bitching about having to do something fun tomorrow because you want to do homework you could do now? Irate is more the word for it. After making my feelings clear to the husband, she was made to go upstairs and do her homework then.
As for the "fun" trip? She bitched about going on the city transportation instead of driving (oh the horror!!!). Clearly irritated to be "doing something" her earphones were in the entire way there and back essentially ignoring everyone. Fun family day. Husband didn't seem to notice too much. I did, and it really makes me not want to do this sort of fun stuff together. I would rather go to the theater alone than listen to the complaining and have to fight to get there - even to a show aimed at the kids that they had said they wanted to see. Oh well - it's only 2.5 more years of HS!! Maybe if she ever gets a job her attitude will be knocked back a notch. Plus she needs to save for her senior trip to Hawaii she claims she is taking!
Lucky for me the younger isn't fully there yet and at least says thank you for everything and shows kindness and respect most of the time. I'm thankful for that.
Now the older step-daughter also got more than a plethora of gifts, and not inexpensive ones. I barely heard thank you. It was more about "what next?" which makes me sad that their Father's efforts are so under-appreciated if not unappreciated. We (husband and I) decided to take a break for a snack seeing as how the kids didn't arrive until noon and it was now 1:30, we were met with actual whining. Really? They are 12 and 15. Whining. Like a 5 year old. Then complaining about caviar (more understandable but to be so rude was not necessary) which they didn't have to eat. There was plenty for them as always.
A second break was needed later, again met with true whining expertise, to put the turkey in the oven for dinner. It wasn't like we didn't have anything to talk about, we hadn't seen them in over a week! They just wanted more gifts and more and more. There was a distinct lull and disappointment when all was opened until we revealed there was one big gift left for each - but they had to find it via scavenger hunt. This perked them up because a production usually means something good is coming at the end. Total room makeover, and total excitement for about 10 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the didn't like or even love the gifts, everything was certainly just not so much appreciated.
Over the next few days we had family in town which constituted eating out more than I ever like to but what can you really do about that? Not much in this case. First night with my family? The elder is "sick", bails on dinner, claims to have thrown up although is fine for breakfast and dinner the following days. Weird, when the younger was sick at her mother's house, she threw up because of the Dayquil, not the illness (per her). I know there is always a power struggle with the older but seriously - have some damn respect. Everyone bought into it but at the time I was more content to just be with my family. However, there was always something wrong with everywhere we went.
Final straw for the vacation was when I wanted to go do something fun on their last day and was promptly told by the older that no, she wanted to do homework (that she had two weeks to complete plus two additional days at her mother's house coming up) that day instead. I was floored and pissed. Really? You are sitting there watching TV right now, bitching about having to do something fun tomorrow because you want to do homework you could do now? Irate is more the word for it. After making my feelings clear to the husband, she was made to go upstairs and do her homework then.
As for the "fun" trip? She bitched about going on the city transportation instead of driving (oh the horror!!!). Clearly irritated to be "doing something" her earphones were in the entire way there and back essentially ignoring everyone. Fun family day. Husband didn't seem to notice too much. I did, and it really makes me not want to do this sort of fun stuff together. I would rather go to the theater alone than listen to the complaining and have to fight to get there - even to a show aimed at the kids that they had said they wanted to see. Oh well - it's only 2.5 more years of HS!! Maybe if she ever gets a job her attitude will be knocked back a notch. Plus she needs to save for her senior trip to Hawaii she claims she is taking!
Lucky for me the younger isn't fully there yet and at least says thank you for everything and shows kindness and respect most of the time. I'm thankful for that.
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