Guilty Parenting and the Blinders

I've noticed that every time something goes wrong that involves the kids - it can't possibly be them.  It has to be someone else, some other reason, something is making them do this.  I call bullshit.  I'm a child of divorce, I know how it all goes, I get it.  BUT, my Mom called me on my stuff and when she did, oh man.

Why is it now that parents compete to purchase their child?  Who is giving the best, the most expensive gift wins?  Really?  When did Moms and Dads become more concerned with being buddies and letting their children do whatever without boundaries or discipline?  When did divorced parents start fearing that their kids won't love them if they discipline them?  It makes for (basically) a generation of spoiled brats.

Take my step-daughters, lie?  They get a talking to and five minutes later, lie again.  Consequence?  Nope.  Treat adults like crap?  No consequence.  I shouldn't have to tell children of their age, both in double digits, not to lie and to treat me and others with respect.  The basics?  Really?  One is in HIGH SCHOOL!  I know, teens have attitude, I get it.  Not like this.  This is poor manners left unchecked.

Once in a while in our household, I'm not the only one who sets the boundaries and enforces rules.  Most often, because I'm around the most, I get the crap end of the job.  Homework, after school "chores" which have all but flown out the window, and I even have to remind them to make their lunch.  Are you serious?  You can't remember you need LUNCH everyday??

What kicked this off you might ask?  I spent two hours prepping a treat for my elder step for her birthday on Sunday.  I told her team we would be surprising her and of course, Bio Mom didn't like it even though Dad said it was ok and it is our time anyway.  So Mom tells kid, kid emails - no thanks.  What the hell??  Why didn't she tell me that this morning when we were talking about this stuff?  Oh, because Mom got involved?  Dad claims she's trying to be the resolver - that she's being manipulated.  I, again, call bullshit. 

It's hard to appreciate anything when everything and then some is handed to you on a regular basis.  These kids get gifts for nothing year round and are hardly ever told no.  Spoiled?  Yes.  Do I think she's being a brat?  Yes.  You know its already ordered but you now want me to cancel it.  No, not spoiled or bratty at all.  Doesn't matter how much effort I put into it, I'm the bad guy because I called him out and said she was being spoiled and bratty.  Oh, and she doesnt' want a fuss made about her, but going to the mall and getting her new homecoming dress and makeup and shoes, that's no fuss.  Gifts aren't a fuss.  Cake??  Huge fuss.  Huge.

Can she REALLY be that lazy?

Unfortunately, yes.  And not just in my case.  I have read all over the place about crazy and LAZY ex-wives and what they do.  My Miss Scarlett actually demands that I, the step-mom, who has absolutely ZERO obligation to help her do anything to take care of her kids, should shuttle all their crap back and forth between the two households. Although Miss Scarlett drives right by OUR house when she decides it is a day she will work, she can't be bothered to stop and grab her kids' gear off the porch. Hello LAZY!  It's 15 minutes out of my way when I do it and they ARE NOT MY KIDS.  We do have an agreement between the three of us that whomever picks the children up from school is responsible for getting their books and soccer bags.  She can't manage her HALF??  It's only half!!!

Mind you, this includes her children's SCHOOL BOOKS.  She's all Disneyland, why bother with school work?  She seems to make it home to take the kids to eat out, AGAIN, but can't get their school books???  I forget sometimes how important meals are to her.  God forbid she ever cooks one.  Maybe if she keeps rocking those sexy shape ups, she can keep eating like that without actually getting bigger. 

Then, same day, she yells at us that we are horrible for her kids and don't do anything. (other than pay for EVERYTHING, feed them healthy and nutritious home cooked meals, take them to the doctor when they need to go, make sure they get to all their activities, etc)  These kids have been playing soccer for at least 7 years.  I was once asked if Miss Scarlett was in their lives at all or dead.  "No, she lives down the street from THIS soccer field" was my response.  I know and her kids know that she barely wants to go watch them play on her weekends let alone ours.  More than once she has stated she doesn't want to spend her life on a soccer field.  Her kids do though, but hey, lazy is lazy. 

If it isn't about her, it doesn't matter.  So not only lazy, but uncaring?  Sad combo for those kids.

The Ex

I read a book a while back, after becoming engaged and just before marriage.  The book was called Surviving the Ex Wife.  Never in my life did I think I would want or NEED to read a book like this ... NEVER.  The author places ex wives into four categories.  I only remember the one I needed (and still need) to know: the Psycho.  She was toeing the tightrope of relative sanity and partial common sense. Wavering from time to time, about to go, arms out to the side ... but most always catching herself.  Our engagement apparently snapped the rope under her feet and into the depths of anger and bitterness she went.

Interestingly, we were served with papers demanding more money for GOD KNOWS WHAT while she, let us call her"Scarlett", sat on her fat ass NOT working and living off child support immediately after my then fiance told her of our engagement.   During this particular gold-digging expedition and planting of evil seeds in my young step-daughters' heads, the judge decided Scarlett should go to work and AT LEAST attempt some semblance of independence since she had never held a full time job in her life.  Instead, she claimed she needed yet another degree, a masters, to do so and off to school she went on my husband's dime.  FOR THREE YEARS!  Not a day did she work during the schooling, not a day after graduation until another two years goes by.

Now every year on my birthday, Scarlett kindly sends the gift that keeps on giving: court papers.  Our wedding gift came two weeks before the wedding, court papers.  His birthday gift?  Yes, court papers.  7 years divorced and Miss Scarlett is not only engaged, but STILL looking for more free money.  This is above and beyond the child support and alimony paid to her every month via auto transfer (she has his wages garnished via the state).  The amount she is handed is more than most people I know make by working full time.  This is also in addition to the income from the job the court forced her to find - backfire for abusing the system?  I like to think so.  If Miss Scarlett needs money, she should start by downgrading her luxury SUV, lay off the $200 shoes/jeans/etc and eating out/having take out almost every meal.

What would be great, but make all too much sense, is if she actually used the child support for the CHILDREN.  Use it to pay for her half of the braces they need, half their activities, half their medical bills,  you know, like the agreement says. Don't get me started on the lack of a college fund on her side.  It is not our job to pay her bills even though the money we give her would certainly cover all of them and then some.  So why do you need more?  Do you want us to pay for the wedding?  Or do you just really need that interaction with him because you can't truly let go?

Whew!
Vent for the day - remember, you aren't alone!

Welcome to Next Wife-dom

There are several types of Next Wives...seconds, thirds, those married to divorcees, those married to widows.  Some of us are step-moms, step grand moms, you name it. Next Wives are literally everywhere.

From what I've noticed, it doesn't matter who we really are, how hard we try, how nice we are or how well we treat those around us, we are a reminder that some marriages do not last and men move on with their lives.  We are a threat to first wives.  Even those in secure, happy marriages.  We are thought to be a home wrecker without ever being asked, "When did you two meet?"  Note, HE isn't a bastard to those women if you are a home wrecker, YOU are just a whore.  Sounds lovely doesn't it?  Feels as good as it sounds.

This is all before we even get to whether or not kids are involved - Good God help us ALL on that front.

I have to say, if you have a choice, marry a widower or a man whose ex has disappeared and truly does NOT want him back.  They always say they don't want him back, but almost ALL of them do as soon as he finds someone else.

I think my favorite is when the men say "I had no idea she was so crazy!"

Surprise.....SHE IS