The Breakdown

First - I only have about 15 minutes so need to just spit this out before my mind explodes, I will do my best to keep typos to a minimum!

As many women know, lots of different roles and expectations are heaped upon us.  Since we have so many roles - employee, boss, mom, wife, step-mom, aunt, daughter, sister, friend - we are heaped with more expectations with each role we take on in our life.  But what happens when fulfilling those expectations comes without gratitude or recognition?  I'm sure I have mentioned all I do for my stepchildren - 99% of it without real recognition from them or anyone else.  Most people will find that "understandable".  Duh, Wicked Stepmother - HELLO!!!  It doesn't make it easy, or right for that matter.  If I was a step FATHER, many opinions would be oh so different.
But, what happens when it trickles to the wife role?  Or the friend role?  In the past few days it has become so painfully obvious how very replaceable we all are in any relationship.  Even family ones - sisters and daughters.  A few falling outs is all it really takes.  Holding grudges, jealousy, it all counters the natural relationship we assume we have or have created.  Family doesn't have to like each other but after all, they are family so we put up with each other.  What happens when the knife cuts just a little too deep and  forgiveness isn't found quite so far under the skin? It builds, the resentment and anger you try to resolve in your mind and heart.
I see sometimes, my husband speaking to me in a way I never thought he would.  The way I used to hear him speak to wife #1 on the phone in the early days.  Even I would tell him to ease up, it isn't worth it, you don't get anywhere that way, and you aren't even married to her anymore so who cares?  Now I care.  Does this mean he hates me as much as he hates her?  Has he replaced her with me to have someone to do all the things she did and therefore automatically treats me that way?  I'm not a psychologist but I'm also not an idiot.  I'm sure it is a little of both.  I'm a girl, I'm sure I remind him of her in some ways so he treats me the same way because it is his comfort zone to react that way.  Is it ok?  Hell no!  Do I get it?  Yes.
It certainly isn't easy when the ex-wife is so prevalent in your day to day actions - kids double and even triple the stress.  Boundaries need to be clear and obviously this quagmire that is my life doesn't have clear enough boundaries for everyone.
When all this is happening and you feel everything crumbling, to find you have been substituted in other areas of your life can compound it all and make you crazy.  Or at least feel crazy, which is enough to push you to the teetering edge looking at the abyss of falling into crazy like it or not.

Ah, Mother's Day

I haven't been on for a while, lots going on but seeing as how the home front is silent today it seemed fitting to take the time for a short story. 
It is sunny out, I can hear birds - even at 7pm.  So quiet.  It feels like the calm before the storm.  I can feel it.  Mostly I just know it since one of my step kids left her backpack here which she needs for school tomorrow, and her uniform which she needs for team photos tomorrow.  Funny, no one has called or asked about it which means tomorrow will be "interesting".
About as interesting as Saturday morning when one of my step daughters was supposed to be at her sporting event at 8am and Scarlett was texting my husband that she forgot to pick up her children's things on Friday and needed them.  She was actually parked out in front of my house waiting for him to respond.  Are you serious?  Best part?  He is out of the country and I was sleeping.  Meanwhile her daughter is emailing her own team who she is about to play with to see if they have an extra uniform.  WHAT??  My guess is they need their own uniform to play that day.  Hellooooooo.  Genius!  So dutifully for my step daughter I took the bags outside for her to bring to her daughter.  Finally.
Why will this be a problem?  I cannot just leave all her stuff outside for 2 days hoping Scarlett will get off her ass and get it.  I will also be gone from my house by the time anyone figures it out and will be out until well after she needs her things.  However, I am not allowed to point these things out because then I am "parenting" and that is clearly the worst thing I could do according to Mother of the Year.  So I just let it go.  The part that drives me insane is, no one else has noticed she doesn't have what she needs for tomorrow for SCHOOL.  Hey, Mom of the Year, you didn't notice your kid doesn't have her backpack???  Overlooking the sport stuff I get, it is her M.O., but school???  Really???
Apparently the answer is yes.  Mother's day for Mother of the Year must be a big event, especially with the new husband and new stepchild.  Why worry about her own children?  It may sound cold but I can't fix it, I can't make her care and to really know that is a lifted burden.  A gift to my "non-mom" self on this glorious holiday produced by Hallmark.  I can't fix things for my step daughters on this front and knowing I can stop trying without guilt is beautiful.  I do realize I sound bitter, but even my own Mother knows that Mother's day is a sham for us to spend money.  That is why we don't recognize "Step-Mother's Day" in my house, and yes, it is an ACTUAL holiday on the calender.  I promise, look it up.