Guilty Parenting and the Blinders

I've noticed that every time something goes wrong that involves the kids - it can't possibly be them.  It has to be someone else, some other reason, something is making them do this.  I call bullshit.  I'm a child of divorce, I know how it all goes, I get it.  BUT, my Mom called me on my stuff and when she did, oh man.

Why is it now that parents compete to purchase their child?  Who is giving the best, the most expensive gift wins?  Really?  When did Moms and Dads become more concerned with being buddies and letting their children do whatever without boundaries or discipline?  When did divorced parents start fearing that their kids won't love them if they discipline them?  It makes for (basically) a generation of spoiled brats.

Take my step-daughters, lie?  They get a talking to and five minutes later, lie again.  Consequence?  Nope.  Treat adults like crap?  No consequence.  I shouldn't have to tell children of their age, both in double digits, not to lie and to treat me and others with respect.  The basics?  Really?  One is in HIGH SCHOOL!  I know, teens have attitude, I get it.  Not like this.  This is poor manners left unchecked.

Once in a while in our household, I'm not the only one who sets the boundaries and enforces rules.  Most often, because I'm around the most, I get the crap end of the job.  Homework, after school "chores" which have all but flown out the window, and I even have to remind them to make their lunch.  Are you serious?  You can't remember you need LUNCH everyday??

What kicked this off you might ask?  I spent two hours prepping a treat for my elder step for her birthday on Sunday.  I told her team we would be surprising her and of course, Bio Mom didn't like it even though Dad said it was ok and it is our time anyway.  So Mom tells kid, kid emails - no thanks.  What the hell??  Why didn't she tell me that this morning when we were talking about this stuff?  Oh, because Mom got involved?  Dad claims she's trying to be the resolver - that she's being manipulated.  I, again, call bullshit. 

It's hard to appreciate anything when everything and then some is handed to you on a regular basis.  These kids get gifts for nothing year round and are hardly ever told no.  Spoiled?  Yes.  Do I think she's being a brat?  Yes.  You know its already ordered but you now want me to cancel it.  No, not spoiled or bratty at all.  Doesn't matter how much effort I put into it, I'm the bad guy because I called him out and said she was being spoiled and bratty.  Oh, and she doesnt' want a fuss made about her, but going to the mall and getting her new homecoming dress and makeup and shoes, that's no fuss.  Gifts aren't a fuss.  Cake??  Huge fuss.  Huge.

Can she REALLY be that lazy?

Unfortunately, yes.  And not just in my case.  I have read all over the place about crazy and LAZY ex-wives and what they do.  My Miss Scarlett actually demands that I, the step-mom, who has absolutely ZERO obligation to help her do anything to take care of her kids, should shuttle all their crap back and forth between the two households. Although Miss Scarlett drives right by OUR house when she decides it is a day she will work, she can't be bothered to stop and grab her kids' gear off the porch. Hello LAZY!  It's 15 minutes out of my way when I do it and they ARE NOT MY KIDS.  We do have an agreement between the three of us that whomever picks the children up from school is responsible for getting their books and soccer bags.  She can't manage her HALF??  It's only half!!!

Mind you, this includes her children's SCHOOL BOOKS.  She's all Disneyland, why bother with school work?  She seems to make it home to take the kids to eat out, AGAIN, but can't get their school books???  I forget sometimes how important meals are to her.  God forbid she ever cooks one.  Maybe if she keeps rocking those sexy shape ups, she can keep eating like that without actually getting bigger. 

Then, same day, she yells at us that we are horrible for her kids and don't do anything. (other than pay for EVERYTHING, feed them healthy and nutritious home cooked meals, take them to the doctor when they need to go, make sure they get to all their activities, etc)  These kids have been playing soccer for at least 7 years.  I was once asked if Miss Scarlett was in their lives at all or dead.  "No, she lives down the street from THIS soccer field" was my response.  I know and her kids know that she barely wants to go watch them play on her weekends let alone ours.  More than once she has stated she doesn't want to spend her life on a soccer field.  Her kids do though, but hey, lazy is lazy. 

If it isn't about her, it doesn't matter.  So not only lazy, but uncaring?  Sad combo for those kids.